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I am stumbling out of my bed at the crack of dawn because the man of the house has decided that he can’t find his Mudgal (an enormous wooden club) that he swings around his head every morning in the exact replication of some Mahabharat combat moves and somewhere in between my marital vows of love, honor and respect, I must have also agreed to ‘Help mate find prehistoricexercise equipment at unearthly hours’ because I am time and again recruited for many such pre dawn goose chases. We start off by talking about Mr Modi and the Swachh Bharat campaign which has been publicized so widely, but soon enough Cookie starts her usual (unwarranted) complaints about her mother in law.

‘Arey Mummyji called me to her room yesterday and said, “Cookie beta, why are you wasting your time seeing Bigg Boss every evening; I was thinking why don’t you start learning French since you always say you want to go to Paris one day. It is never too late to start learning new things. Look at me, beta, every day I try and learn a new word; today I am learning the deeper meaning of Existentialism.”

‘Oof oh Mummyji has retired from her job as a college professor but has not retired from giving me lectures: “Cookie learn this and Cookie learn that.” Do I tell her to learn anything?cheap nfl jerseys Like, Mummyji why don’t you learn to dance like Deepika Padukone?’ I hurriedly calm her down and suggest we take my dog to the beach for a walk.

We are strolling towards the beach; I have the dog’s leash in one hand and my pink poop scooper in the other, when I see a raggedy looking man with a big dog walking towards us. They stop and the big dog starts defecating. The man with him doesn’t bother to clean anything and just walks away.

Would our NaMo let him get away? No! So Cookie and I go running behind him and say, ‘Hey clean this mess bhaisaab. Didn’t you see the Swachh Bharat program on TV?’ He sniggers and says, ‘Madam first you stop the two legged animals on the beach from doing potty there, then you tell me about my dog’ and suddenly starts making lewd gestures at us. I am scared but I quickly throw my poop scooper at him (My dog has done his business and the poop scooper has also done its business, so it is rather heavy, but I do manage to throw it) and run away.

We get home and tell the man of the house about our adventure. He just sighs and says, ‘You do realize that you are also making a mess by throwing your scooper on the road?’ I reply, ‘We are going back there and I will get my scooper. I can bet that it will be lying right there.http://www.cheapnfljerseysfreeshipping.top/ Modi, along with brooms and celebrities posing for photo ops, perhaps it would also be effective having burly men standing on crossroads with clubs and cricket bats, holding a sign that says, ‘You throw junk, I hit you on your trunk.’

I could even lend you one such perfect volunteer for the early morning shift; who can whirl his Mudgal on the street corner, while I sleep soundly at last and dream of walking through a country which is no longer treated like a giant commode.

Twinkle Khanna aka Mrs Funnybones crafts satirical stories and funny fables when she is not running a design business, selling candles or running in circles around her small but rather odd family. She narrowly escaped a gruesome tragedy when Bollywood tried to bludgeon her brain to the size of a pea, but she ducked at the right moment and escaped miraculously unharmed; she is now a popular columnist as well and is currently in the process of creating lame jokes like ‘ Why do all Hindu boys worship their mother? Because their religion tells them to worship the cow.’ She firmly believes that nothing in life is sacred except laughter. (Not even her name, which she is secretly trying to change to Chetali Bhagat so that her columns get made into movies.)

Twinkle Khanna aka Mrs Funnybones crafts satirical stories and funny fables when she is not running a design business, selling candles or running in circles around her small but rather odd family. She narrowly escaped a gruesome tragedy when Bollywood tried to bludgeon her brain to the size of a pea, but she ducked at the right moment and escaped miraculously unharmed; she is now a popular columnist as well and is currently in the process of creating lame jokes like ‘ Why do all Hindu boys worship their mother? Because their religion tells them to worship the cow.’ She firmly believes that nothing in life is sacred except laughter. (Not even her name, which she is secretly trying to change to Chetali Bhagat so that her columns get made into movies.)