[k9ghthawk]

i need some help advise tips or comments what ever. don't mind me if all these senteces seem out of place i just need to talk about before i loose my head and thats not good before i leave for war. so please help in any way possible.
well i've done something that knew would happen and tried to avoid at all cost but with my luck, bad or good i don't know, happened. i fell head over heals in love. the funny thing is i tried going out with her 4 times before but, becuase of the society today she was worry what her friends thought if we went out so we just became really good friends. she was the only girl i ever asked out. to tell the truth i'm shy around girls. i can't start anything i get a mental block or that awckward feeling. but with this girl i feel different. just being able to hold her in my arms when we dance is bliss to me.i should tell you how it happen. it slowly started to happen at the begining of the school year. but she was dating someone else. happens that me and him get along fairly well. doesn't like to get picked on too much though. any way in the middle of the year i moved to a different town well me and salor( the girls pen name i won't name names unless needed) kept in touch. wrote each other letters i taught her to read and write in pig latin so her brother wouldn't be able to read it. every now and again we would call each other at night and talk untill midnight or later, and we start at around 8 or 9. well her relationship with her boyfriend is a little rocky. his step father is trying to help ruining it by grounding him and not letting salor see him. so any ways i go to her grad/ birthday party and we hung out. we played catch for hours. she went though 5 other people they eventually got tired. after the party me salor an one of her girl friends, that was sleeping over at the time, decide to hit the club, it's a dance club for 13 or older. so we get there around 9 and we start dancing, now the people there was dumping bottles of water on every body so everyone and the foor was soaking wet, so we started goofing off and i lean over her as she leaned back her footing slip and fell back wards. turned out she poped and twisted her knee. so here i am feeling guilty for i'm some what reasponsable for what happen after i told her mother she would be all right. but she said she was fine so instead of dancing we stood and listen to the dj. at one piont her freind had to leave for a little bit and would meet us back at the house. after that salor took my arm and wrap it around her and said i was her bodyguard. right there for that short of a moment was bliss i wish it would last forever. but it never does. we home later around 11:30 salor and the other girl snuk me in though the back and upstairs. i didn't feel like walking 5 miles to find the place i was sleeping at was locked and salor insisted that i stay in her room. we got up there and talk for a little awhile. she told me how much she liked me and that if it wasn't the fact that she is in a relationship right now she would be with me. so after all that stuff it was time for bed. i went to the room connected to hers and decided to sleep in her chair. when her freind suggested that i should sleep in salor's bed right between the two girls. But being the gentleman that i am i said no and that i was fine in the chair. but also i found out about salor's friend and her history. she thought about me as her new trophy or notch in her garterbelt so to speak. then i over heard them talking, they thought they were quit enough, and salor was telling her friend how sweet i was that i was such i nice guy.
i left in the mornning before her father woke up. and talk to her later that night and found out that i could have kissed her last night. and the chance on getting further were pretty high. so now i'm kicking my self for doing the right thing. perverted side i'm sorry. but i don't know what to do i'm almost a total wreck. she on my mind 24-7 especially when i listen to love/ depressing songs on the radio. i wrote her a letter telling her about how i feel again last week so now i'm waiting for a reply. so do you have any comments or advise on what i should do. or question about to help clarifiy this? damn this is a long post. sorry about that.