[Miss Lockheart]

Again Terminal, thankyou for your insight.

I don't think I ever can eradicate someone like that from my memory, even with their lack of physical presence. But I believe he posed a genuine violent threat to my son, it's more for his protection than anything else. You are right though, it doesn't solve my own issues. So I have no choice really but to deal with it myself, however long it may take. I did find a place to start, by concentrating on making a happy home for me and my son, it's as good a start as any.

I suppose there are lots of people who can't understand why someone would be in pain if there is no physical affliction to see. But the way I see it, the physical scars just hurt in the area afflicted, whereas the emotional scars seem to hurt everywhere, soul and body. I have to remind myself that I am not under any kind of emotional conditioning now, that nobody is there to make me feel small or insignificant, nobody can control my feelings or choices. I am actually a human being! You know, for months I was made to believe I was less than human, I had no right to be human. I wasn't allowed to feel emotions like sadness even less back then. It sounds pathetic, but I even have to remind myself that I have a key to my door or my own house, and I'm allowed to use it! That's how I see inner scars, from my own experience. Even with the progress I felt I had made, I still felt in some ways that I was not my own person.

I'm not really sure what else I can say on this subject, but when you and Tifa mentioned your own experiences, I felt less alone within myself. Obviously we are human if we have these feelings right? And maybe thinking about some of the painful times may give a new insight into the present, and put some things to rest. Thanks for helping me see things differently.