My Review

[Hazuki Sensi]

This is my review - obviously it contains spoilers - Enjoy

What the hell was Square-Enix smoking when it thought that this truly awful lump of crap was a good idea? I am referring, of course, to the game that has managed to destroy one of the best game series ever, Final Fantasy X-2. After playing Final Fantasy X-2, and after wiping the vomit from my lips, I found it hard to put my feelings into words, but no, I felt my message had to be heard so I decided to write a review of FFX-2, and why it gives me an immense impulse to choke on my own puke. Enjoy.

The Sequel -
Every new FF game is completely different. Different world, characters, fight systems and storylines. Except this one. This one carries on two years after FFX ended, firstly - what an utterly terrible idea! Past FF games always leave you free to make up you’re own mind about the truth behind the game (for example, FFVIII let you decide whether or not Laguna was actually Squall’s father or if Rinoa was actually Ultimica) FFX was no different. After the credits we see the main character Tidus swimming away somewhere, your allowed to make up your own mind about whether he was somehow still alive, in the farplane or back in his dream world. It should have been left like that, but no, a sequel destroyed the whole idea of an open ended story, thus the power and the uniqueness of the ending is totally destroyed and ruined by this game. Not only do you get to find out what happens, what actually happens is bollocks. I wouldn’t have minded as much if FFX ended on a cliff hanger or a big “TO BE CONTINUED” (well actually I would have, but this aint no review of FFX), but it didn’t, the story was actually over. So why make a sequel? It seems that Square have totally sold out with this game, it wasnt needed in any sense, the story was finished, and a sequel was simply uneeded - now Ive established this games exsistance is pointless, lets take a closer look...

The Characters -
The characters of this game are completely paper thin and leave much to be desired. Basically we have 3 Rikkus in hot pants. Why you ask? Cause its what sells. It makes no sense to remove character traits and varieties gained in the first game. Just to justify this lets look at the main characters

Yuna - The summoner from the previous game has since settled down in her home of Besaid. Then after seeing a sphere of a person she thought was dead she embarks on a new journey to find him - apparently. What she actually does is screw about selling tickets and dressing up as moogles, which has no relevance to her story. She spends about 10 minutes in the game thinking about “him” (Just call him Tidus! None of this “you-know-who” bull) and spends most of her time acting like Rikku. One is too much as it is. Yuna has apparently sacrificed all her ideals, independence and clothing in order to be “free” of her old lifestyle. In fact, she almost takes offence when people call her the high summoner, even though the whole point of the first game was to become the high summoner, you know, that whole ridding the world from Sin and living up to your fathers name thing you did 2 years ago. Anyone would consider this title an honour, in stead of shunning the name as if you were ashamed (for example, when Gippal calls her the great high summoner, she is quick to correct him with “former summoner” as if shes embarressed about her great legacy for reasons unknown). Whenever Yuna does slip back into the Yuna from FFX she is made fun of by Paine, Rikku and many other characters, like Leblanc or Beclem, for example. Yuna’s character has been completely transformed from the strong, independent woman of the first game into another Rikku, annoyingly teeny bubblegum and an “everything is great I‘m so happy!” sort of person. They then justify this change by stating that she has spread her wings. If spreading your wings involves forgetting who you are, running around the world doing seemingly pointless errands and becoming a scandily clad immoral bimbo, I’d rather question the whole modern femminist image personally.

Next we have Rikku, as if she wasn’t annoying enough in the first game, she now has lost any morals or standards that made up her character. In FFX she would never have said things like “oh, can’t we give him a discount, because I’m all girly and I really want to screw Gippal, ‘couse I’m a slapper.” OK, I added a bit to that quote but I think if she actually did say this it would fit into the script. You get my point? She would never have said something like “let’s give him a discount” just because she had a crush on him in the last game. Besides, she has no point in this game, she doesn’t contribute anything to the plot except sex appeal to keep the teenagers masterbating and an endless array of really irritating phrases. There is no character growth, no moral to her story, nothing at all, rendering her role as filler and thus pointless.

Paine would seem to be the only character that has a point to exist in the story, but still, the character is full of holes. They try to portray her as this to-cool-for-school bitch with a don’t give a f*** attitude, but she constantly shrugs off this bad ass image and becomes all girly-girl as she dances about and says things like “pre concert hurt fest time.” - sigh..... And another thing, is there a connection between her obsession with hurting people and that bondage costume she’s always wearing?

Then we have the sub characters, which are usually hopelessly annoying or totally irrelevant and abstract to the story. Brother! - enough said. He’s not funny or clever, he’s a pervert and a b*****d to put it politley. How come the character Calli grew into adulthood in 2 short years when Passe hasn’t grown at all? Am I the only one to find these constan inconsistansies sloopy and a sign of poor development? Characters like Buddy or Le Blanc have no main point to the story but to supply pretty cut scenes and to annoy me. While the voice acting is the usual crud we’ve come to expect of Japanese translated games, this game has a seemingly pointless repertoire of annoying phrases:-

“I’m gonna whack you good” - Rikku (like that isnt suggestive)

“I’m gonna kick you in the spleen” - Rikku
“Spleen?”-Paine (no comment...ill just die a little inside)

“Come in!!!” - Brother (doesn't get anywhere close to funny no matter how many times you repeat it...)


“You look a tad flushed”- Logos
“Nooji-Wooji”-Leblanc
“Loves” - Le Blanc (this is supposed to be villian talk?)

“You’ve found our sphere now give it back” - Ormi (....right)

“Dullwings” - Le Blanc (oh how mature, witty and clever)

“Dancing Yuna I want to see!”-Brother (now I think about it, isn’t Yuna Brother’s cousin? Why is he so desperate to screw her?)

“Gullwings go, la la la la la. Gulliwings fight, la la la la.”- Shinra
“They, like, totally wet their pants!”-Rikku
“You can lead a dullwing to water but you can’t make it drink”-Logos (They actually spent time writing this crap?)

Need I say more? I thought Logos saying “feeling lucky punk” was bad enough, if Clint Eastwood was dead he’d be turning in his grave.

[Hazuki Sensi]

PART 2

The Enemies -
All the fiends are from FFX, there are hardly any new ones besides snakes with machine guns as heads. Really original thinking there. All the fiends are used repeatedly, but are made into wimps (A malboro on besaid!) All the bosses are just bosses from the last game only made weaker. What the hell is up with that Leblanc syndicate thing? Are they meant to be funny or something? Logos and his wife Ormi are complete body cast rip offs of the magus sisters from FFX (again showing laziness on SE's behalf), and they‘re rampant homosexual lovers in my opinion, why else would they share a room and always dress to match? Leblanc is the definition of chauvinistic sexism. She prances about in that costume with cleavage that doesn’t end trying ever so hard to get that big strong man Nooj to look after her, or she waits like a good girl whenever a man tells her to, does nobody else not notice this? These three retards jump into battle with so much confidence even though they suck! Despite the fact that Yuna and Rikku defeated the undefeatable sin 2 years ago, they still consider themselves formidable opponents??? But they look sooooooo threatening! They’re all dressed in purple and are decorated with hearts, and consist of a slapper with a fan, a fat bugger with a shield covered in even more hearts, and a guy with an obviously fake English accent who seems to peremantly have his eyes closed, rendering his weapon choice of twin guns kinda pointless if you ask me....

The Battles -
The dress sphere or garment grid fight system is ridiculous. It’s basically just the old job system combined with FFX’s sphere system, only made terrible. It’s an excuse for the three girls to put on pretty cloths which look freaking awful anyway. The bloody black mage costume is a clown suit that isn’t even black! The warrior costume is nothing more than a bondage suit that the most degraded self hating gimp in the world would refuse to wear. They cut out the defining feature of a final fantasy - the ability to summon - this is a radical change, one that is about as welcome as a bullet in the face! The fact remains I do not consider a final boss a challenge by using three warriors and simply holding down X to win the damn game! the battles are too fast, to disorganised and all you end up doing its hitting stuff - its pointless having all these costumes when all you need is one. Variety doesnt even come into to cause some jobs are simply useless, uneeded and weaker compared to others.

The Storyline -
There was me thinking that this story would be about Yuna (her being the supposed heroine and all) and her journey to find her lost love Tidus, who she believed to be dead. When the story is really about how she wonders around the world handing out balloons and holding pop concerts. In fact we find out very early on that the guy in the sphere is definitely not Tidus, just a guy who for some reason looks like him. So when it said on the back of the box in big bold letters -

“DISCOVER THE TRUTH BEHIND YUNA’S STORY.”

what it actually meant was -

“DISCOVER THE TRUTH BEHIND PAINE’S STORY WHILE YUNA TAGS ALONG AND FINDS OUT EITHER NOTHING AT ALL, OR THAT,YES, TIDUS IS JUST DEAD AFTER ALL AND THE ENTIRE PREVIOUS GAME, FFX, WAS A COMPLETE WASTE OF YOUR TIME AND THIS GAME ACTUALLY DOESN’T NEED YUNA OR RIKKU OR ANYONE ELES FOR THAT MATTER, JUST PAINE, NOOJ, GIPPAL AND BARALAI, FOUR CHARACTERS WHO DIDN’T EXIST 2 YEARS AGO AS THEY ATTEMPT TO DESTROY AN ANCIENT MACHINA THREAT TO ALL SPIRA… THAT DIDN‘T EXIST 2 YEARS AGO EITHER.”

The fact is you learn nothing about Yuna or Tidus in this game at all, but you do learn about Paine’s story, even though everyone in this story was created just for this game and didn’t exist in the last one. So why is it set in Spira, or in a FFX context at all? It could have been a brand new game, that would have made some sense. This isn’t the only thing bugging me about the plot. There are many questions about the plot that make absolutely no sense, and the writers themselves don’t even now. They just get Shinra to say “I’m just a kid.” when it comes to the explanation.

“Why did my body start dancing by itself?”- “I’m just a kid.”
“Why do I feel Lenne’s feelings when I wear her clothes?”- “I’m just a kid.”
“Why did we see Lenne get shot when I sang that song I stole from her?”- “I’m just a kid.”
“why did hundreds of fiends turn up after the concert?”- “I’m just a kid.”

Why make this up if you can’t explain it? I also have a few of my own questions about the plot that Square-Enix probably won’t bother to answer. -

Why did Leblanc steal Yuna’s garment grid? And when she did steal it, why did she hold a pop concert while pretending to be her? SHE CAN IMPERSONATE THE GREAT HIGH SUMMONER! she has the ability to use Yunas reputation to any use she could desire.... and she holds a pop concert....WHY?? How on earth is this explainable??

Why did Yuna dress up like a moogle then get changed as soon as she saw Leblanc and Co, why didn’t she just dress in her normal cloths to start with? - I mean, if your trying to prove that someone is an imposter, why hide your true self at all? I mean if people saw Yuna outside while shes supposed to be singing, wouldnt you be a little suspicous as to whats going on? Idiots might point out that Yuna would be considered the imposter and be in danger - right,... like she cant handle herself in a fight...oh yeah shes a woman I forgot....

How the hell did watching a pop concert on the thunder plains completely prevent a religious and political war between 2 fanatical sides who despise each other? Shall we send Britney and Christina out to Iraq and have a concert? That'll certianly end all hatred and violance in that country!

In conclusion, the plot is weak, its confusing, has way too many side quests which get too deep and distracted from the main story. Most of the plot is full of holes, the rest is full of crap.

[Hazuki Sensi]

PART 3

The Little Things -
There are many little things in this game that just annoy me to no end, and here they are.

The music is god awful! This is because the usual composer, Nobou Uematsu, wasn’t used. Instead they had the two retards, Noriko Matsueda and Takahito Eguchi, to come up with this crappy pop-jazz rubbish. From the compostion up its bad, it doesnt fit any of the scenes at all.

Rikku always follows you around the airship hub...why?

The game is mission based like a GTA game and the missions are completely ridiculous. They’re always something like “follow that moogle…” or “Wakka sure is acting strange…”....Why put me through this torure?

Since the last game Wakka has supposedly gotten fat and has quit blitzball, yet he hasn’t gotten any bigger and still wears the uniform. Lulu is supposedly pregnant but she is as slim as she was in the last game. Anywhere in the game, if there is ever a hint of seriousness or a half decant plot, someone (usually Brother or Rikku) has to jump in and ruin it for everyone. Perfect example: the start of chapter two when the main enemy, Vegnagun, is introduced there is a serious discussion about it and you start to think that the game isnt total poop after all, but then Yuna shouts out -

“Well this isn’t any fun at all!”

oh well as long as Yuna has fun, sod having a decent plot. She is then backed up by Rikku with, “I really gotta let off some steam!” and before you know it Yuna’s dancing like a spastic on the deck and singing a song with the most elaborate set of lyrics I’ve ever heard. If I recall correctly it went something along the lines of, “la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la….” Genius! Total Genius! There are morons on the internet who keep saying that FFX-2 isn’t as good past FF games but it is made up for by the undeniably excellent graphics. Right - as long as you have your pretty lights and pretty women - who cares if the game plays like your fingers are broken? And the fact is, theyre FFX's graphics, its like wiping your ass on the mona lisa - taking a great work of art and soiling it - I always used to think this was known as VANADLISM myself, for shame....

The Packaged Product -
I’ve probably mentioned this point earlier, but Square-Enix has sold out. The making of FFX-2 was purely for money. But the real problem is, people seem to really like this game. This is because Square has already made over eleven excellent Final Fantasy games, and now people just tend to assume that just because it’s a Final Fantasy, it’s a good game. I was no different, I went out and bought this game assuming it would be good (even though I disagreed with the idea of FF sequels), and why shouldn’t I? After all I enjoyed playing the rest of the games, I didn’t know this one was going to be less entertaining then having a box of pigcrap emptied on my head. And I should know. Square-Enix has realised this and knows that it can make any old piece of cra p, slap the good name of Final Fantasy on the cover, and the fans will just lap it up. Ive learned a lesson that the majority of gamers need to learn -

JUST BECAUSE ITS A FINAL FANTASY DOES NOT MAKE IT THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD - THE SUN DOES NOT SHINE OUT OF SQUARE ENIX'S BEHIND!


People ignore this and buy it purely on the name. This is how big corporate companies see us, we’re not valued customers, we’re just another £39.99 in there pockets. I’m not sure why Square-Enix is doing this, after all there perfectly capable of making a good Final Fantasy game while making a load of cash at the same time, they’ve done it before with every other Final Fantasy game. If you want proof that Square-Enix is just using the Final Fantasy name to sell, just flip over the box and the first sentence you read is,

“The story continues with the first sequel ever in the highly acclaimed Final Fantasy series.”

There it is, plain and simple, before we are told anything about the game we see - “This is a Final Fantasy. BUY ME!”. Also, they have completely changed the image of Final Fantasy. Since when has FF advertised in magazines like Loaded or FHM, featuring pictures of the main characters in suggestive poses? Maybe they should consider advertising it’s games in, oh, I don’t know, game magazines perhaps? Which brings me to my next point, you know that sticker on the box that reads,

“9/10 - PLAYSTATION 2 OFFICIAL MAGAZINE.”

Bull. That magazine is run by Sony, and guess who owns a large percent of Square-Enix. That’s right, Sony. The same magazine gave FFX only 8/10. So, not only are we supposed to believe that FFX-2 isn’t a stain on a dress, we’re supposed to believe that this big jizz stain is better then the great FFX?




Well, that’s pretty much all from me, but before I get attacked by fanboys, please note that this page is my opinion about a game I hate, if you like it, I don’t care. If you don’t like it, good for you. I don’t want to hear your views about the game or anything I’ve written. If you think I sound shallow, then guess what, your right. I didn’t make you read this, you chose to. And if you’ve got any stupid questions like,

“if you hate FFX-2 so much, why did you keep playing it, and how come you know so much about it?” or, “why waste your time writing this if you hate the game?”

don’t bother. As I said before, I bought the game assuming it would be as good as it’s predecessors, I quickly realised it was terrible soon after turning it on, and was just as quick to turn it back off again. Then, after deciding to write this, I thought it would be a good idea to actually play the game first, I mean, who am I to rant about something I don’t know anything about? After all, I did just waste forty quid on this stupid game, I might as well play it. I wrote this in my spare time, it didn’t take long, about an 20 mins or so, then it was done. What do you do in your spare time, play FFX-2? Also, if anyone says something like, “U SUC FFX-2 RULZ!!!111”, you’re an idiot. I’ve written a good argument against this game, if you can’t write an intelligent argument for it then you’ve pretty much proven everything I’ve said to be correct.

My Final Words - 0/100

[Kain Highwind]

Well duh.

[Son of Sephiroth]

Originally Posted by Kain Highwind

Well duh.

ZING

[happycaitsith77]

Originally Posted by Kain Highwind

Well duh.

LOL

[Hazuki Sensi]

OK....so does anyone have anything to say about the review thats longer then 2 words maybe?

[Kain Highwind]

What do you want us to say? Yeah, it's a review, it's truthful, yeah, FFX-2 is shit. Or your writing style?

Oh, ok.

While it does truthfully represent how terrible FFX-2 is, it leaves a bit to be desired in terms of what makes it a fun read. I found it a tad too linear, too rigidly structured, and frankly, too much to read when it can quite aptly be surmised in "FFX-2 is shit, seriously, don't buy it".

But that's my opinion for you, and I'm an acquired taste.

[Hazuki Sensi]

thank you, that was definatly more th kinda thing I was looking for