Real life jokes

[exile9013]

Adam's got a new game. And for all of those who didn't know my name is adam.

Ok so you take a popular joke and make it serious.

I'll start. I'll start with the original joke first.

So a pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey you got a wheel on your crotch" the pirate replies "Arhh it's driving me nuts"

Now here's the real life version.

So a pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey you got a wheel on your crotch" the pirate replies "Arhh me ship got into a ship reck in a giant storm and my genitals became swollen and the wheel got stuck to them. Please call a doctor."

Now it's your turn.

[The Graceful Assassin]

How can you tell if you're at a gay picknic? All the hot dogs taste like shit

How can you tell if you're at a gay picknic? You ask

[Argo]

three guys walk into a bar...the other one ducks...

Three guys walk into a bar...one gets server brain damage...they rush him to the hospital...but its to late to save him...the poor boy becomes mentaly disabled and one day his mother decides she cant take raising him any longer so she shoots him in the haed and throws his body into the Ohio river...2 years later her husband finds out...she she kills him with a power drill and feeds his body to the pigs at the farm down the road...3 weeks after that...feeling so bad at herself...she leaves a note telling of what she had done...and she stabs herself in the heart...and the other one ducks...

[The Graceful Assassin]

Why'd the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! (old as the hills)
Why'd the chicken cross the road? Probably in an attempt to reach a certain destination... only to fail by being hit by a car where it was slowly picked apart by bugs and eventually rotted away

[exile9013]

you guys get to graphic in this.

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife? A life sentence in jail

[The Graceful Assassin]

But that's Life

SEE A TOPLESS CHICK!!

... I'll let you guys imagine the real life version lol

[bond of flames 2.0]

3 guys walk to the top of the hill and meat merlin. he says if they run down the hill jump over the log and jump of the cliff he'll change them into what ever they want. 1st guy goes runs down the jumps the log and off the cliff and says i want to be an eagle and flies off. 2nd guy runs down the hill jumps the log and off the cliff and says i want to be a harle davidson. hits the ground and drives off into the sunset. The last guy stops to think real hard wat he wants to be. Then runs down the hill trips over the log and rolls of the cliff and says"oh shit" and turns into a pile of shit that splatters allover the ground.

real life- Three guys go for a walk and meet a magician. He says he can turn them into whatever they want if they run down the hill jump the log and jump off the cliff and shout what they want. Well the first guy does it and jumps off the cliff and says "Eagle" and grows a beak and talons and wings but can't displace the air and hits the ground and breaks every bone in his body.
the second guy goes, jumps the log and off the cliff and says "Harley" well he becomes the Harley but hits the ground and falls apart peice by peice.
The last guy thinks real hard about what he wants and runs down the hill trips over the log and falls of the cliff and says"shit" turns into shit that splatters all over the other two guys. THe magician says "well this could be bad time to stick with escape acts."

[The Graceful Assassin]

A blonde, brunette and red head are stranded on a desert island. They come across a magic Genie who grants each of them one wish. The brunette and red head wish to return home and they are granted. The blonde begins to cry and the Genie asks what's wrong and she replies. "I wish my friends were hear!!!"

A blonde, brunette and red head are stranded on a desert island. They come across a hasbin magician who believes he can grant wishes. They are forced to kill him in his dillusion and toss him into the water. After attempting cannibalism, they die of starvation and heat stroke.

[bond of flames 2.0]

Thats nice. I don't think i can make this one serious.

A guy just came out of a shitty marriage and his wife got everything. Well one day he came across a garage sale and bought an old lava lamp and rubbed it and a genie appeared. The genie said that he would grant him 3 wishes but his wife would get the same thing just 2x better than what he got. Well the guy thought about it and said.
1. I wish I was the richest guy in the Country. *BAM* He was the Richest guy in the states but she was the richest woman in the world.
2. I wish I was the handsomest guy in the country. *BAM* he is now Mr. America and she became Miss Universe.

Well he thought reall hard about his wish. And finally it came to him.
3. I wish I was beaten "half" to death. Well he lapsed into a coma and well as for her...

Same deal...Dude gets divorced and looses everything. He meets a genie that says he'll grant three wishes but his wife gets that just doubled. Well he wishes to rich she is now twice as rich. He wishes to be good looking she wins Miss America. Then he thinks and then wishes to be beaten half to death. Her funeral was a week later.

[new_KEYBLADE9]

A blonde, a redhead, and a burnette are about to be shot by some mobsters. The mobster is about to shoot the burnette and says "Any last words?"
she says"Flood!!Flood!!!" The mobsters look away and the burnette escapes.
Now, its the redhad's turn and the mobsters say "any last word?"
the redhead says "Twister!!!Twister!!" The mobster looks away, and the redhead runs away. Now the blonde's turn, they say "Any last words?"
she says "Fire!!Fire!!" You know what happens next...

real life-
Some mobsters cornered three hos who wouldnt give them their money. The mobster is about to shoot the redhead and burnette, and say "Ay last words, beotch?" the redhead and burnette say "Tornado!!Flood!!" But the mobsters are fooled and shoot them and brains fall out. The blonde next, the mobster says "Any last words sweet thang?" The blonde say "Fire!!" but the mobsters shoot her. However, the blonde was more truthful than her hooker friends, and turns out there was a fire and the mobsters burn to death.